Author Topic: How do cope with grief?  (Read 136 times)

Deidre

How do cope with grief?
« on: April 13, 2018, 12:53:24 am »
How does your belief system deal with loss and grief? With the painful despair over losing a loved one? I'm having one of those bad days, when I'm missing my paternal grandmother, and nothing seems to take the sting away...except time. Maybe time is all we really have to count on, because grief strikes, and there's literally nothing we can do.

"Don't look for riches, look for rich experiences." - Lucian Black

Olive

Re: How do cope with grief?
« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2018, 02:05:29 am »
I think the best thing to do in these situations is to try and recognize the impermanence of our entire situation, and see how death is a part of that. Even the best experiences, end. Even the worst experiences, end. There is no one who can give you relief from the pain of loss, the only thing that can redress it is your ability to understand and accept it. I think one of the strengths of the Critique of Existence theme present in Gnosticism, Buddhism, Existential Philosophy etc comes in the recognition that you would neither condemn your loved ones nor your enemies to an eternity in this existence, and death does not have to be feared. I have known many who, while mourning the ones that they have lost, would not wish them back in the condition they were in. Life can become very difficult indeed the longer it goes on, and a time does come when each of us would wish to set down our burden in the ceaseless struggle of our plane of existence.

Whatever you believe, you can take solace in the fact that the one you cared for has nothing to fear any longer, and is now That which is beyond Peace/Love/Freedom/Bliss.

Deidre

Re: How do cope with grief?
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2018, 02:08:32 am »
I think the best thing to do in these situations is to try and recognize the impermanence of our entire situation, and see how death is a part of that. Even the best experiences, end. Even the worst experiences, end. There is no one who can give you relief from the pain of loss, the only thing that can redress it is your ability to understand and accept it. I think one of the strengths of the Critique of Existence theme present in Gnosticism, Buddhism, Existential Philosophy etc comes in the recognition that you would neither condemn your loved ones nor your enemies to an eternity in this existence, and death does not have to be feared. I have known many who, while mourning the ones that they have lost, would not wish them back in the condition they were in. Life can become very difficult indeed the longer it goes on, and a time does come when each of us would wish to set down our burden in the ceaseless struggle of our plane of existence.

Whatever you believe, you can take solace in the fact that the one you cared for has nothing to fear any longer, and is now That which is beyond Peace/Love/Freedom/Bliss.
You have no idea how much you have helped me tonight. Seriously. Thank you. I have heard so many talks on grief, discussed it with friends, my husband...on and on it goes, and while they all offer wonderful insights, you have said something here that I had not yet considered. My acceptance. For some reason, I'm still resisting that my grandmother died. I realize she's dead...she's never coming back. Not in that way, but in some other emotional way, perhaps, I don't want her to be gone. I still long for her. So, I can't accept that she's gone, on some days. Other days, it's not a terrible pain, but today, it is.

Thank you for posting this.
"Don't look for riches, look for rich experiences." - Lucian Black

Kapalika

Re: How do cope with grief?
« Reply #3 on: April 14, 2018, 10:35:56 am »
I can't think of much particular to my belief system. At most, maybe I feel a bit' of a connection to them with things that belonged to them. Before my grandmother passed away late last Fall, she gave me some enchanted necklaces and the like. I always wear one of hers and I attach a spiritual significance to it.


Now that I think about it, when her funeral was there it wasn't a traditional funeral. But she wasn't a typical person. I ended up being able to literally bury her myself and that helped me a lot. I don't like the non-finality of not getting to do that. The whole thing, in a way, seemed like a ritual. I wanted to finish it. She really loved animals, and I had a similar mentality about burying people maybe because of all the pets I had to bury. She would of understood that kind of sentiment, being the hugest animal lover I've ever known. Honestly if anymore of my family dies, after everyone is gone... I'll probably want to do the same (at the more traditional funerals).


The next viewing/indoor part/whatever I'm at, I'm not gonna let some pastor speak though. I'll speak myself. It was a disaster at my grandmother's funneral and I never again want to see a repeat of that. We had a viewing before the actual more family centric burial the next day. The pastor shit all over her beliefs by totally twisting them into some pro christian crap and totally ignored everything she believed in and talked about himself. I am so tired of Christians having no respect for the dead and what they believed. The thing is, we didn't even know this guy was gonna speak! The funeral place had him there and he knew nothing about her. It was a god damn joke.


Funny enough, I had a dream last night where I'm 100% certain she spoke to me, as a spirit. I asked her what the spirit realm was like, for the truth... she looked at me dead serious, "There is no god here". I was pretty taken aback... she believed in God. I asked her then about Satan, and she said there was something like that. I asked what it was, and she told me "pure magic, a deep force".


I'm still trying to process all of that. I'm feeling very unsettled by it as she said there was just... nothing, which could be described as "God" but perhaps it was god as she understood it. She might of not strictly been a Christian, had a lot of other beliefs too, but she did believe in something similar to an Abrahamic god. All I know for sure, is that she is out there doing things in the spirit realm. I don't believe it's very often that people's souls survive after death... hers seems to pretty intact. So maybe that's helped me with the grieving. But at the same time, there isn't a Heaven in my belief system so I guess it depends on how much value you assign to existing. She said her transition into the 'afterlife' wasn't the most pleasant. In any case, I think she is doing better now. When I was a kid she said she would give me signs to know if it was her. I've once seen that sign before, and I felt instantly it was her... I don't think she's gone.


So I suppose that is the extent of how my belief system interacts with grieving.

Otherwise, I guess I deal with it same as anyone else.
https://kapalika.com

My religion is Satanism & Trika via Vāmācāra

"God and the individual are one. To realize this is the essence of Shaivism." - Swami Lakshmanjoo

NEMO 93

Re: How do cope with grief?
« Reply #4 on: May 16, 2018, 03:35:15 am »
I'm finding myself asking this again. The more of my outer shells that are torn away from myself, the more issues like grief and other things repressed deep come to the surface because they were never resolved. I lost my grandmother last fall too, Kapalika so if you ever need to talk, I can definitely understand and relate- I won't be able to have any answers other than we try the best we can. I think you're ahead of me in trying to acknowledge and process it and I'm catching up.

I'm personally going to look into Jung to see what he has to say about this kind of stuff but everyone has their own ways of moving on and healing so this question is incredibly individualistic. I'd say pay attention to what your needs are to get as close as you can to closure- spirituality definitely helps a lot of people with this, sometimes it's more emotional in nature.
"“I ate civilization. It poisoned me; I was defiled. And then," he added in a lower tone, "I ate my own wickedness.” -Aldous Huxley