Author Topic: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives  (Read 2102 times)

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #30 on: July 17, 2018, 09:25:59 am »
@NEMO 93

I think Theosophy is unintentionally helping me to find my grounding, occultists for some reason like to ignore Theosophy (probably because of how it much later inspired insipid New Age movements and a few lesser controversies) but Blavatsky herself offers such an astounding resource, I find that there seems to be a chapter on everything relevant to spirituality, the occult, magic (even though Blavatsky and Theosophists don't practice it), there are some great chapters on the elements, chaos, science and so forth but the stuff related to the "Book of Dzyan" (including the extensive commentaries), I am not interested in as such in the present.

Aside from how I am finding The Secret Doctrine to be a currently relevant source, it is directly related to what you mentioned about the White/Black Lodges (famously fictionally depicted in Twin Peaks). They don't originate from Crowley/Moonchild, they originate from Theosophy - as does "The Great White Brotherhood", which Crowley references often (it became a regular term in Frater Achad's and Jack Parson's writing too). Sort of related to the LHP/RHP dualism, or "White Magic"/"Black Magic".

I don't think people appreciate the amount of Theosophy in Thelema in general (as well as the amount of Hermeticism, Islam/Sufism and Hinduism). People generally recognize the Kabbalistic, Gnostic and philosophical stuff but the Thelema-well is much deeper.

I'm still haunted by the Book Of The Law (Liber Legis), I have been thinking quite seriously about the way a special and unique text like AL affects a person's mind. It is scripture (sacred text) of course, but the semi-poetic aspect of much of it, leads me down a whole of theorizing that in some way, it is a kind of grimoire as well. I may write more extensively about this as an article/essay but I feel there are certain memetical constructs (natural or otherworldly) that seep into the mind of the reader over time, the book reads you in a way. As Kenneth Grant says in one of his books (from memory), it sort of tunes your mind into some larger kind of thing (the 93/Horus Current, Akashic Record, "Necronomicon", etc)
Whatever Liber Legis really is, I have a strong tendency to think that it is something far bigger and more significant than Crowley in the grand scheme of things.

Still, I'm trying to keep away from it and Thelema but somehow ended up composing a (modern classical) piece inspired by it (not consciously, it just happened).

To my current magical aspirations; I have this urge, with nature at the moment, to fully connect with the magic inherent in it - which we completely neglect in this modern, Science-dominated age. Fire meditation is going well and hopefully soon I'll start to build up my techniques in concordance with other things (as magic rather than just meditation). I am thinking about how to make use of the lake that is near me, similarly for rain.
In a small way, I feel the enticement of Witchcraft is coming back (as I had a little intellectual excursion with it a few months ago), I am very fond of Alexandrian Wicca's fire rituals (what I've seen of them), although I feel the general idea of Witchcraft is more of a show - in the same sense of my unfavorable opinions on ceremonial magick.

The Chaos Magick and post-Discordian (how's that for a new term?  :mrgreen: ) practices and think-tank I've been doing, is still growing. I have all these various little mundane, daily chores and activities that I am treating and/or turning into rituals (the Coffee one is my oldest, but there are several others). After a while of integrating the mundane with the magical, daily life starts to become entrancing to some degree. Although, one doesn't want to simply just go around acting like a lunatic in public 🤣 it's more nuanced than that.

Sorry, if that response was too long  :D
« Last Edit: July 17, 2018, 09:29:51 am by Frater Sisyphus »


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #31 on: July 18, 2018, 04:30:22 am »
@Frater Sisyphus  As far as I know, Theosophy referred to Black Lodge and White Lodge simply as a description of two paths but it was Crowley that revealed the tropes of Black Lodge that would be later seen in Twin Peaks.

I'm too starting to think Crowley's Book of the Law tapped into something bigger. I think Lovecraft, Lynch, and Morrison may also be prophets of the same current. There's a lot of synchronicity around their works in similarities.

I'm starting to believe Kenneth Grant that Lovecraft was inspired by the same sources which is in argument he makes in magical revival. You can find articles on the synchronicities that Twin Peaks is causing but there's a plot point that links the creation of Bob and other stuff to the Atomic Bomb testing. This isn't the first time a plot like that has been used with Grant Morrison speculating that the Atomic Bomb test accidentally summoned Azathoth and some divine elements fell through reality. While Invisibles is fiction, there's a channelend nature to the work as a hypersigil. There's a common conpiracy theory that Parson's Babalon working re-opened the gateway to the Black Lodge. Parsons is also part of Twin Peaks lore.

If you take Kenneth Grant's argument that Lovecraft based his stories off of dreas giving the prophet theory more credence, than you could argue the same for Lynch particulary in the new series. Twin Peaks has a lot of influence from Theosophy so this could just be coincidence from research as Frost is big on all of this stuff but the artistic touches of Lynch tapping into it with his subconcious is interesting. I'd be curious if Lynch or Frost added in the residents of the Black Lodge described by Crowley.

Oh, and Grant Morrison goes on to use a Lovecraftian Horror Comic as a hyper sigil to declare the Aeon of Horus-Ma'at. I'm not sure exactly how he did that as I interpreted it much differently but there's a nice thourough work of fiction tapping into this larger current that's amusing if not interesting.

At the end of the day, this leads me to believe the best way to approach the current is through eschewing everything that doesn't resonate with your own and forging your own relationship with which is exactly what I've been doing. I feel like you can conjuct stuff in post-modern ways- Sleep No More is a great example of the black lodge concept done post-modernly but almost completely original.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #32 on: July 19, 2018, 09:56:37 am »
While I wasn't referring to the Liber AL and the current (I'll refer to it as the Aeon Of Horus Current for sake of Crowley-continuity) the same way you and Kenneth Grant are, I do think it warrants attention.
With Kenneth Grant (and his interpretation of the non-physical Necronomicon that exists in the ether of space and/or beyond consciousness), I was moreso meaning about the very idea of a fixed current that is unravellling with Liber AL, as Grant frequently mentions.

BUT, the part relevant to what you're saying about K. Grant, G. Morrison and Lynch (which I wasn't personally thinking about) is incredibly thought-provoking. I'm not sure how I'd go about approaching them together (+ Liber AL) within the larger context of current history (like actually mapping it all out) but I do see connections - some intentional others unintentional (we all know Mark Frost loves Theosophy, hence Twin Peaks inheriting many of it's ideas...loosly)
You really bring up something here that I need to think more harder about, it feels like we're sitting on something with all those connections.
With Twin Peaks, just keep in mind that Lynch is interested in Buddhism, Hindusm and Transcendental Meditation. He is an avant garde filmmaker that has his grounding in Surrealism, following on from all the surrealist filmmaker-greats but with an American backdrop.
Mark Frost, is a mystery/thriller/scifi fiction writer with a big interest in the occult and conspiracies (sounding a bit like Lovecraft, aye?  :mrgreen: ), Mark isn't as interested in the spiritual and personal dimensions (unlike Lynch), and is more interested in concepts and ideas (practically speaking).

As I said, I'll give it more thought, the Grant Morrison stuff is also intriguing and he is definitely on to something in several areas, the hypersigil idea gives credence to some kind of wider truth I see within everything from Hinduism to Jewish Kabbalah to Gnosticism to Austin Spare to Typhonian Thelema to Chaos Magick.

I have a lot of things building up in my mind that I haven't mentioned yet that I'm trying to get a handle on, I certainly don't believe that the material universe is the limit of what objective reality "is" though.
One of the biggest things plaguing my mind right now is Nature, I may expound soon.  :)

Edit; Related to to the previous page (on) Sufism:

I see God (which exists within all and beyond) as containing two basic aspects: 1. The Active, and 2. The Passive.
Now, the "passive" is an intentional misnomer, as I will expound. The active part of God is that which communicates with humanity in various ways, the side of God which has some element of awareness of itself. The Passive aspect is still technically active but it resides as nature itself, Chaos, infinite space, the stars, planets, the largest and smallest things that exists - aka, the passive is inclusively everything in a sense; bringing things to a very Parabrahman conception.

So to Sufism/Islam, I see Allah, as being somewhat both.....God....and from a mystic's and magician's perspective, a thing of similar design as the HGA (keep in mind we're talking more about the concept more than the designation "Angel" here). When one performs the Five Pillars (or Six, depending on sect), they could be seen to be in process of communing with not their but rather the HGA (but remember was never a deity). I do see a lot of clarity in my recent realization that (despite theological/doctrinal and law conflictions with my beliefs) Islam is a religion of self-discipline - like Magick is, hence it's major emphasis on ritual!
« Last Edit: July 19, 2018, 11:05:04 am by Frater Sisyphus »


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #33 on: July 20, 2018, 09:14:43 am »
Yeah, there's a bunch of intentional stuff there. Actually, I'm reading Kenneth Grant now and mentions the mysteries of time and it unravelling. Non-linear time is something that's gaining more popularity in certain occult circles, with Alan Moore always writing about it but Billy Brujo has mentioned it recently. Grant Morrison went full non-linear with Nameless. Order of Leviathan as well as Apophis sort of get into it. I'm wondering if the theories of current aeons existing cocurrently could be a time of non-linear time shenanigans in the objective universe as well as microcosmic. It would re-define currents. Ma'at Magick's most, if not only, valuable additions was tapping into a future current. Grant Morrison's work with Aeon of Ma'at in Invisibles and now Nameless makes me want to revisit the concept but through Kenneth Grant's lovecraftian eyes.

If you get a chance, look at the differences between the script for the final episode of the original Twin Peaks run and compare it to what Lynch changed it too. Lynch alters his scenes all the time after seeing them. He certainly has buddhist influences but most of his work seems to spawn from a subconcious place. Also, lol I just googled muave zone and the first result was spoilers for Twin Peaks season 3. I think Peter J Carrol comes closed to realizing the power of Lovecraft's paradigm in the sense of completely destroying old Aeon ideas- including stuff that Crowley probably would have embraced. It seems like a way to completely re-write your whole reality with existential alien forces. Something Kenneth Grant would have loved, it happened to come out a year before the publication of the first issue of Nameless by Grant Morrison that was a hypersigil to declare the Aeon of Horus-Ma'at. Perhaps this Lovecraftian stuff embodies fear of what's to come? That'd possibly link it to the Black Lodge concept. The Secret History of Twin Peaks actually makes a lot of references to real-life conspiracy theories as well such as meaning in the appearance of UFO's after the Atomic Bomb. I don't really go for the UFO stuff but there's this recurring theme of the atomic bomb. Also, Lynch has talked about how ideas in general comes from a meditative state which reminds me a lot of Morrison's view on fiction in general.

Speaking of grant, you could read Animal Man-Flex Mentallo-Invisibles-Filth-Seven Soldiers-Final Crisis-Multiversity-Nameless and see an over-all philosophy emerge. He's even said he writes his stuff as ritual now. His All Star Superman would fit in there too and perhaps is Batman and Justice League runs. It's an intersting paradigm he constructs and I quite like it. I have no idea how it relates to Grant other than the Ma'at stuff and Lovecraft stuff. Also, interesting to note: Grant Morrison got into comics because he was afraid of the atomic bomb and saw superheroes as an idea that could beat it. They're all obviously well read so there are going to be connections but so much of the way it fits in seemed to be obscured by their respective subconcious filter.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #34 on: July 22, 2018, 06:06:29 am »
I still find myself despite certain inclinations, to be leaning more and more minimalist. I tend to feel that nature itself is where all knowable answers are to be found, both practically, spiritually, magically and scientifically - but that we have to take it all from a distanced and more personal stance, that information itself is a distraction from the immediacy of reality.

I feel that Chaos is ultimately what the nature of the universe, our lives and God, mounts down to in the end.

My current underlying interests are in the elements, the sun/moon and the strangeness of daily life (really, daily life isn't as normal as we like to think it is).

Speaking of Twin Peaks, stuff this eerie does sometimes happen in real life (well, not the zombie-ish part)

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #35 on: July 23, 2018, 05:36:44 am »
I'm leaning more and more back towards Discordianism I think (with elements of Paradigm jumping from Chaos Magick), there are aspects of Hinduism and Sufism I find very important to life in general which won't be abandoned but my path is starting to flesh out better now.

Through the very idea of belief, I am starting to find a balance between the idea of complete irrational, illogical belief and daily, practical life - in concordance with more universal ideas about whatever the hell the universe and God is.

Chaos, Eris, God and Allah - are all ideas that are infusing more into what I'm starting to develop here.

A few weeks ago I wrote this manifesto, in a form of almost automatic writing (it just came out without any forethought). I won't share it yet, and things have changed between now and then but I feel myself being slowly dragged back in deep to the syncronicities - or, bizarre meaningful coincidences of life.

In all of this, I am developing my own system, which may or may not be an ongoing and enduring self-directed path. Either way, I know that I am trying to seek out The Great Mystery!  :D

Edit: By the way, I've been referring to my path for the past few weeks as "The Great Mystery", in reference to the mystery of life/existence itself. I decided to google it and turns out there's a Native American belief in Wakan Tanka, which is also referred to as "The Great Mystery". Really, really oddly enough it seems some of their ideas about life aren't too dissimilar to my own!  :o
« Last Edit: July 23, 2018, 06:16:25 am by Frater Sisyphus »

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #36 on: July 29, 2018, 10:36:00 am »
I'm finding myself drifting back into classic Hermetic thinking (Trismegistus), as well as Plato along with my interest in John Dee coming back strongly. With Dee comes Christianity and I feel that too is becoming more interesting, in an active sense (I'm very interested in Ezekiel right now - which is a Jewish text, also found in the Christian Bible) - seeing that since becoming an Occultist years ago, my view of Christianity I had adopted from growing up a Christian had radically changed (you know, Kabbalah and Mystical thought?).

I received Louv's book on Dee a few days ago (I ordered it about a month ago),

which lines up perfectly with my spike in re-interest in Dee (I suppose some of you may remember Dee being my original avatar here and on RF).

Finding that there is a section devoted to the integration of Enochian magick in Thelema (as well as the Golden Dawn) felt quite ironic when I had a skim through before starting actually reading the book. 😂
I've rejected Thelema and tried to keep it out of my life but looks like it just keeps finding it's way in, lol, but the chapters on Dee and Enochian Magick are what I am concerned with. He was a highly important figure in history and I find it very unsettling that he has been given the back seat in history, in spite of his immense influence on Science, Politics and Magick  :\

At the moment, I've always got the Library Of Greek Mythology next to me all the time. I find Greek Mythology to be a great interest of mine, but not on the same level as my Religious/Spiritual and Occult ventures, still Sisyphus made it into my magical motto so who knows  :P

All the previous things I've said about nature, the elements, Chaos/God etc are still very much in play within my magical, spiritual and philosophical exploration. I guess I'm gradually building a model here, which is a good thing.
I am certain that I (and humanity, in this state) can't ever have complete knowledge about the mysteries of the universe but I have unintentionally started building a model (or frame) around it, namely; that which unpredictable. Dogmatic Atheism and Lazy Agnosticism won't suffice for me, neither will Dogmatic Theism.

God is beyond religion and science, God resides in Chaos, all sentient beings are self-aware aspects of God trying to learn about itself. The rest is to be assessed by that damn Pineal Gland!  :mrgreen:


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #37 on: July 29, 2018, 04:56:36 pm »
@Frater Sisyphus  I highly recommend work with Enochian, if you can handle it, I want to read Louv's book. I'd recommed the Enochian World of Aliester Crowley as well as Practical Enochian Magic if you wish to work with the watchtowers in a practical way. I actually have a full collection of Dee's magical diaries.  :)


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #38 on: July 29, 2018, 05:44:29 pm »
@Frater Sisyphus  If you're into the Hermetic tradition of Enochian, I recently bought Roscurian Chess of the Golden Dawn which explains Enochian Chess and came with software allowing people to play Enochian Chess online. It would be cool to play a game with you sometime, sounds like a fun divination expiriement.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #39 on: July 30, 2018, 01:24:17 am »
@Frater Sisyphus  I highly recommend work with Enochian, if you can handle it, I want to read Louv's book. I'd recommed the Enochian World of Aliester Crowley as well as Practical Enochian Magic if you wish to work with the watchtowers in a practical way. I actually have a full collection of Dee's magical diaries.  :)

I don't like Duquette but I've had the Newcomb book on my list for a long time, I'll probably end up ordering that in the next few weeks. At the moment, I am still not really looking at actually practicing Enochian Magick but I do get the sense that it is the true magical system, I know the psychological model thinks otherwise but there is something profoundly unique and out-of-the-ordinary about it.*

How far have you taken your own Enochian explorations?

(*and in that light, it doesn't seem like a system that serves any mundane use - unlike a vast majority of magical systems)


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #40 on: August 03, 2018, 08:08:28 pm »
While I do like DuQuette, the value in DuQuette's book does not come from DuQuette himself but rather it being the most simplistic description of understanding the cryptography inherent in th Sigilum D'Amyth and therefore the multidimensional representation of the system when all the tools are put together. I've been trying to describe it to a friend for a while but just got him that book and he had an epiphany with it. I'd disregard DuQuette's speculation but his explanation is valuable.

Funnily enough, I'm not a fan of Newcomb but his books are pretty valuable in praxis due to providing paper version of tools as well as a working grimoire. You can find Billy Brujo's Ars Angelos online for free for another version of a working grimoire but Newcomb's provides English and Enochian written text as well as translation.

So, I feel like I know what you're saying and would agree with you in wording it a different way (which is why I know you use paranthesis.) I do feel like the Enochian Angels are a sort of spiritual accelerant and they do want the best for your spiritual development but as a result, they are rather amoral. However, there does leave room for praxis. Hell, matter and inherenetly spiritual. You could work with water tablet angels to improve emotions or earth tablet angels to manifest stuff on earth, it might be a bit risky. A bit riskeier would be work with the Kakadamainos in the subangles of the tablet which would probably care less for spiritual development thus making them better for manifesting desires regardless of spiritual development.

However, the Enochian Angels, in my experience, seem to be okay with you playing into your vices if it means you will learn and grow. For example, my first working with a watchtower basically resulted in the Enochian Angels giving the advice of summoning a Demonic King of Hell from the Goetia to satisfy an obsession I was feeling guilt over in a sort of antinomian act. I did so, awakened my kundalini, and it worked but not as planned and led to an eventual lesson after handling it on my own.

Also, Grant and Hyatt both mention how Crowley would use Sex Magick (esentially servitor creation of chaos magick) to charge angels of watchtower for practical reasons. Crowley in general bent the Enochian system to use his will, he translated called of the Goetia into Enochian and even used the first two calls of the Enochian system before Goetic Evocations. Hell, even his magickal squares from the Abramelin working were in Enochian. Dude was a bit obsessed but hey, Enochian seemed a little Lovecraftian to me in the 30th Aethyr so I can see why.

As far of where I'm at:

I recently scryed the 29th Aethyr (so I'm on the second.) The 30th Aethyr was a rough and terrifying ordeal, the 29th is much more pleasant thus far and seemed to be death in 30th and rebirth or xeper in 29th but as Enochian is spiritual accelerant in my theory, the results will be different for everyone.

Ive used the watchtowers quite a few times for divination purposes and just curiosity. I'd be careful with watchtower divination, they seem to like to let the worker play into their delusions- my best divination was the areforementioned advice to summon the king of hell in which I've used countless kabbalistic, gematria, and tarot correspondences to verify everything past a doubt. The Aethyrs seem much more direct and will make things known and cause initation.

I've just played my third game of Enochian Chess. I've roughly learned dvination from it and have some theories- it seems to unlock mysteries of the watchtowers while at the same time doing it by placing stuff you may need to forget about over it- ie, the map is not the territory but nonetheless a useful map. Enochian Chess as it's own, seems like a useful divination and training tool, in it's own right.

It's something I use rarely, when the time is right, but will be more than willing to dive into at those times when it is needed(scrying an aethyr or learning the chess system.) I'll keep it separate from my main paradigm then use it to drop spiritual accelerant on said paradigm- 29th Aethyr's themes and vision led to me reading AO Spare's Book of Pleasure and stripping my paradigm down even further to the basics except when I don't and understanding why and how, for example.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #41 on: August 07, 2018, 02:27:00 am »
I'm in an intermediary state of rediscovery I think. Prompted by your questions, I've spoke a little about Thelema/Typhonian Tradition here recently but I am not practicing or engaging with either, I feel a strange distanced fascination now.
At the core there is this Discordian embracing of irrationality, which itself reveals more serious 'truths' about both religious and secular thought itself.
The chapter in Liber Null on Random Belief resonates with me. I was recently arguing against some atheists about God but now I feel like arguing with theists/polytheists about lack-of-God, catch the drift?

I fail to really see a substantial reason to favor materialism or metaphysics, I feel they are both either equally as accurate or equally as misinformed.

I find religion and spirituality to be mostly beautiful but I am supportive of genuine science (as opposed to Scientific supremacy, which is prevalent). Science is our method for pulling back the curtain and revealing who the wizard is, but it is as obsessed with language, linguistics and semantics. Whereas religion/spirituality is obsessed with aesthetics and non-measurable perception.

The section in Liber Null brings to mind how fun embracing all and none of the common beliefs of reality are fun. I think atheism itself is usually too serious (and often against religion, for various reasons) or isn't serious enough (in mockery of religion, not taking their own belief with a grain of salt).


Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #42 on: August 07, 2018, 06:23:07 pm »
I recently re-read Liber Null. Random Belief chapter is how I constantly live my life. You may want to look into models of magic. Random Belief seems like an antinomian tool that trains you to be belief fluid. Like Crowley's Liber O Abyssmi applied to religion instead of philosophy.

I've done various paradigm shifts throughout the years and have settled on the meta-model.

The Meta-model
The meta-model of magic is not a model as such but rather an instruction on the use of the others. For its only advice to the magician is: "Always use the model most adequate to your aims."

Rather choose the desire, then choose the tool or belief. Repressed and need it to be satisfied? Goetia. Need to wipe away what's holding you back? Anticosmic. Need to just cause something to happen? Anything from sigil magick to PGM to any grimoire. I'd break it into sigil magic for death posture gnosis, demonic grimoires for fear noses, PGM for love of the all gnosis. And so on. However, in the beginning there is tremednous value into fully immersing one's self in a paradigm.

What I feel Carroll's take on the Alphabet of Desire in Liber Null offers the most value at this time in my life so it's interesting we're still syncing up in different ways.

You reminded me I should keep reading The Illuminatus Trilogy so thank you.

I've also a distanced fascination with Typhonian, I need to learn much more before I dive in but it's something I will do when it's in line with my intent. Qlipothic investigations seem rather enlightening if risky.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #43 on: August 10, 2018, 07:49:44 am »
Yes, I definitely do relate to the meta-model.

Fundamentally as a person though, my truest, unflinching perception of the world is closest to Sanatan Dharma (Hinduism) - Vedic and Upanishadic.

Aside from that fundamental grounding (which I used to see reflected in Thelema, but it stands untarnished in Hinduism) my views and beliefs tend to change day to day. It seems schizophrenic but I've realized that religion and philosophy itself lean towards feelings (in a very simplistic sense, I'm not reducing religion/philosophy here), which in turn are moods. e.g. on a day when you feel depressed, you may take on a nihilistic atheist view of the world. On a day where you are really optimistic, you may take on a Taoist view. When very passionate, maybe a Christian. When in a trickster mood, maybe embracing the Discordian side etc etc etc.

It's an interesting way to approach the meta-model, which I guess I've been slowly being more audacious about.

I see "belief" in three levels:

1. The Great Mystery itself - the agnostic level, the unknown, aka the elephant in the room of every argument over spirituality, religion, occultism and atheism 
2. Fundamental belief - natural, true inclination uninfluenced by the outside
3. Constantly evolving beliefs - everything day-to-day, month-to-month, year-to-year as mentioned above (political views, ethics etc all go here too)

The Illuminatus Trilogy is great, I concur. It's hilarious and took the sh1t out of conspiracies before they became a huge cultural phenomenon 😂 Constantly relevant book in the 21st century, lol.

I'm very fond of the Typhonian Tradition (compared to regular Thelema), I wish regular Thelema was bold like that but alas.

Re: Fr. Sisyphus' Archives
« Reply #44 on: August 22, 2018, 09:34:56 pm »
I'm leaning more and more towards a naturalistic "system" outside of "magic", instead concerned with meditation, yoga, hypnosis and some form of martial arts.
I can't drop the concept of "God" but I'm leaning away from metaphysics.
I'm not going materialistic (as I despise materialism) but I am stepping between daily life, discipline and a greater ultimate aim.

I am personally starting to feel that both Thelema and Chaos Magick have given what they can and that there isn't a lot more I can do with them now or that they can do for me.