Author Topic: Reminder for myself  (Read 126 times)

Xepera maSet

Reminder for myself
« on: July 04, 2018, 01:04:36 am »
I often question if I belong on this path, as lately I often feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Those who know me know I've been having a rough few months (even for me!). I've been constantly stressed and constantly sick and it's been hard.

I was in the ER yesterday after putting it off for stomach pain. I was sure it must be my appendix or something because I was eventually so sick and it felt nothing like my IBS. Nope, nothing, just another ER bill.

None of this is the point. Today I saw the power of the Left Hand Path because the ER gave me 30 Tylenol with codeine. Even though I tell them I'm allergic to codeine because of, you know, my horrible 3 year addiction that almost killed me in high school. Oh well, they gave them to me. Wasn't going to fill them but I did, wasn't going to pick them up but I did. Had them at home planning to finally get some relaxation from a codeine high, perfect context to take them, and...

30 pills down the toilet (though I guess this isn't technically the thing to do to dispose of pills lol). Fuck off, no thanks. You're not getting me today brain, better luck tomorrow.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2018, 04:09:44 am by Xepera maSet »

CLEARING MY HEAD, WILL LIKELY RETURN

pi_rameses

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2018, 03:27:15 am »
Wow. I'm stunned.
Pro omnis dominos viae sinistra, sic itur ad astra
Nylfmedli14

Xepera maSet

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2018, 04:08:05 am »
Wow. I'm stunned.

Feel free to elaborate haha

CLEARING MY HEAD, WILL LIKELY RETURN

pi_rameses

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2018, 04:19:10 am »
Well...I'm stunned in the sense that I had a similar experience when I read some of the side effects of a script I was given and had a similar reaction (I guess me not filling it was the proverbial toilet flush). I'll take my chances, I said.

And speaking of chances, I don't think it's enough to just slap a list of things that could go wrong on the drug label. I would like to see some Bayesian probability of each effect before I roll the dice.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2018, 04:22:07 am by pi_rameses »
Pro omnis dominos viae sinistra, sic itur ad astra
Nylfmedli14

Liu

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #4 on: July 04, 2018, 05:05:03 pm »
Congrats!

But wow does your health system suck...
Doctors who in your face ignore the medical information you provide them?
ER-bills? Doesn't your health insurance cover that?
I recently heard things like that from my Brazilian co-worker, but I had been hoping that it's better in the US... but it's not that surprising given the reputation of your country in those regards...

I would like to see some Bayesian probability of each effect before I roll the dice.
Don't they have those? Well, on medicine here in Germany, the drug labels do mention how likely each side effect is (as "may happen to 1 in 10/100/1000/...").

I often question if I belong on this path, as lately I often feel overwhelmed and inadequate.
I sometimes feel the same - in regards to the occult as I still am pretty much a mere armchair magician, and even in regards to my new job (as a doctorate student/researcher). But in both cases, as long as it's fun and seems to help you on your path in life, it doesn't really matter how well you are doing as long as you are doing it. And in both cases I might actually be doing better than I sometimes think, who knows. So, don't compare yourself to others (unless you are better ;)), compare yourself to your past self.

pi_rameses

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2018, 07:42:06 pm »
@Liu I haven't seen that on FDA approved labels here. Just bulleted lists. Oftentimes than not, European laws make sense. Would it kill us to use the metric system?
Pro omnis dominos viae sinistra, sic itur ad astra
Nylfmedli14

Olive

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #6 on: July 13, 2018, 11:41:57 am »
The healthcare here really is terrible. I had to have a life saving operation when I was a child that would have totally wiped out my parents and our wellbeing, or at least put them into major debt. It was only because of my age and condition that a charity hospital decided to step in and do the procedure for free. It was not a pretty scene, and the recovery was long; I didn't really understand the gravity of everything that was happening until later in life.

I wanna give you all my support, Xepera. You have my respect, and I feel that there is a great magician within you. But if you grow I'm weary with the LHP - there's nothing wrong with taking another approach. No matter which way you go, your Will shall always lead you through.

Xeper and Remanifest, friend.
    Art thou pale for weariness
Of climbing heaven, and gazing on the earth,
     Wandering companionless
Among the stars that have a different birth, -
And ever-changing, like a joyless eye
That finds no object worth its constancy?

-Percy Bysshe Shelley

Onyx

Re: Reminder for myself
« Reply #7 on: July 13, 2018, 02:29:42 pm »
Since the LHP is the path of most resistance rather than least resistance, it's never an easy one. It can be overwhelming, and physical issues only make it a rougher ride when they occur because we want to do so much more than dealing with mundane reality.

But you know your stuff @Xepera maSet, not an amateur or novice. I don't think it's about the path, it's just that life throws a lot of wrenches into our "evil plans", and puts a lot of obstacles in our way.

In one of his books, Don Webb talks about maintaining a sense of humor. I know you have one, and I also know that it can defuse negative emotions, which are some of the biggest hurdles one may encounter. It's like the analogy I use all the time of finding that one domino to knock over that sets off a series of events, which is my approach to Black Magic whether in terms of LBM or GBM.

This post is not intended to be advice, more from personal experience. Any physical problems I've had are minor by comparison, but I've had plenty (times 1000) of others. Nevertheless, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, and I don't see you as weak or inadequate at all. Quite the opposite, I've learned a lot from your efforts as have many others.

Arise thus in your glory, behold the genius of your creation, and be prideful of being, for I am the same – I who am the Highest of Life.