Author Topic: Resignation  (Read 402 times)

Xepera-maSet

  • Guest
Resignation
« on: January 08, 2020, 04:53:42 am »
I figured I owed at least a handful of people this much.  I'm glad to have inspired some but in the end no accomplishment has been mine. I made a little name for myself hiding my faults behind excessive LHP knowledge, and if my antics somehow aided you it's a happy miracle. But in the end I'm nothing - a chronically ill individual who can barely force himself to work, a terrible former husband, a terrible son and family member, a terrible friend, a terrible LHP practitioner. This organization and those communities I've frequented, the people I've forced my way into their life from friendships to love - all deserve better and shall have it. Do not let me as a person or even as nothing but words on the screen influence your opinion of this fine organization, it stands far more on the shoulders of its greats than the shoulders of its loudest. Their best work is yet to come. Perhaps our paths cross again.

Best of luck to all.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2020, 08:42:05 am by SeTetu-Ra Ka-Nuit »

Melias

Re: Resignation
« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2020, 07:59:17 am »
I can only speak of myself and a small number of others that I know, but we have all gone through shitty phases and times of life that burdened us with prolonged sickness... even hospitals, issues with regards to own psychological state etc.... without going into much detail, I want you to know that just because crap things happen in life, including life-threatening problems, it doesn't mean that you are bad as a magician or that you are a failure. Failures are part of this miserable life that we are called to manifest, and the more you achieve consciousness, the greater the Pain. Trust me on this, I know it all too well....  I started on the path when I was 12... I'm now 45. You can do the math and you'll see that for all these years much suffering has gone hand-in-hand with the progress. At certain periods when I was low, I doubted everything: myself, the path, the existence of deities that cared or gave a damn, etc. Outsiders will never know the terrible price, the pain, and the increments of slow progress at times and the impact these have on our lives. But that's okay because they are not forced to walk this path. We do, and between all the cursing and blessing, we struggle, striving and ever going forward. No matter the falling, no matter the disappointments or what others think of us. To hell with them. We march on.

I value your posts and your opinions, and I certainly wish that you stayed. I believe in your inner strength because if you didn't have it, you wouldn't post the posts you did.

Liu

Re: Resignation
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2020, 05:15:55 pm »
To me you sound like you are having a depressive episode (especially since you mentioned something about that before), because you have achieved more than what you let yourself believe. I hope you are/will be getting proper treatment for it.

Return whenever you want!

If you feel better about yourself if you participate as a member instead of as an admin in order to put the spotlight more on others, that's completely fine as well, we don't have much of an hierarchy here anyway.

Xepera-maSet

  • Guest
Re: Resignation
« Reply #3 on: January 16, 2020, 10:33:46 pm »
I'll probably be back soon as a non O.S. member, for now at least. Can we get a Thelema sub?

Km Anu

Re: Resignation
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2020, 08:33:31 am »
It's strange that we dont have one already tbh

Xepera-maSet

  • Guest
Re: Resignation
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2020, 08:42:57 am »
I guess getting a new system of "pretend everything isn't shit" doesn't actually fix anything.

Xepera-maSet

  • Guest
Re: Resignation
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2020, 09:54:59 am »
Our ignorance and delusion is the only blessing of nature. Those who deserve better love shall have it. Those who deserve better friends shall have them. Those who deserve better inspirations and peers shall have them. And those who best live out their days in their misery and isolation, ceasing to ruin the lives of others, shall do so.

Shit people should stop dragging amazing people down. Sure, a shit person is a person and wants to be happy and loved, but don't do it at the cost of better people. Don't be a fraud and cast yourself as a magus, wasting the time and effort of superiors. Don't be a loser yet allow a living Goddess to waste years, even a day, of their time on you. Don't feign the friend card when you bring only negativity and discord. It's a hard lesson but it's true, and some of us (me) need to understand it.
« Last Edit: January 19, 2020, 11:11:20 am by SeTetu-Ra Ka-Nuit »

Hapu

Re: Resignation
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2020, 10:58:19 am »
Our ignorance and delusion is the only blessing of nature. Those who deserve better love shall have it. Those who deserve better friends shall have them. Those who deserve better inspirations and peers shall have them. And those who best live out their days in their misery and isolation, ceasing to ruin the lives of others, shall do so.

No. Fuck no.

Nobody "deserves" anything. That concept implies a moral universe and the one we live in is nothing of the kind. Or maybe a caring universe, but again, the one we live in is nothing of the kind.

Solar, stellar - there's a third choice. Chthonic. The Underworld is clamoring for your attention. It wants you to look down instead of up, and you're doing it, you're looking down. But right now you're looking down in a spirit of entrapment, powerlessness, and despair. You can, instead, look down in a spirit of freedom, strength, and joy. You do this by making undefiled wisdom your goal. The first principle of undefiled wisdom is this: The universe is without conscience or heart. The 2nd principle is this: Who you were, five minutes ago, is an obsolete skin you can shed like a snake. The 3rd is this: Polyanna is a succubus. The 4th: To see the sinister underbelly of reality is to see with the eyes of Satan, to whom despair is as alien as blind faith. And the 5th: The lesser evil is sublime.
 
More Satan, less Set, that's my prescription for you.

Nabbit

Re: Resignation
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2020, 12:54:08 am »
No. Fuck no.

Nobody "deserves" anything. That concept implies a moral universe and the one we live in is nothing of the kind. Or maybe a caring universe, but again, the one we live in is nothing of the kind.

Solar, stellar - there's a third choice. Chthonic. The Underworld is clamoring for your attention. It wants you to look down instead of up, and you're doing it, you're looking down. But right now you're looking down in a spirit of entrapment, powerlessness, and despair. You can, instead, look down in a spirit of freedom, strength, and joy.

This. The universe doesn't care about what you deserve or don't. It just occurs.



I don't know what you've done, but there's been a period of my life where I felt like a complete monster because of the things I've done. I still feel ashamed of how I acted back then, but it's something I had to move past so I can be strong for the people who rely on me currently.

Hapu might disagree with me about caring about how we affect other people. Ultimately they're right in that the universe doesn't care. But my perspective is if you're still upset about how you affect others, then there's no harm in trying to fix that with yourself, even if it's meaningless. The universe isn't going to care about you taking meaningless actions anyways.

I still care about people despite it being ultimately meaningless, and I felt guilty after that horrible things I've done long ago. I still feel ashamed. But I learned to move past it for the sake of other people who were still relying on me. I couldn't wallow in shame and weakness, because that negativity will spread an affect other people. It will also drive you into a deep rut the more you give in to it, making you more helpless to positively affect the lives of others.

You might be thinking you're completely alone and you don't see how you could affect anyone as isolated as you are. I don't think anything really exists in a vacuum, completely cut off from the outside world, especially in the internet age. You'd have to try really hard to avoid talking to people. Even without friends and family, we communicate all the time for our jobs and we talk online. Even if you avoid talking to friends and family, holding a job, and talking online, there's probably somebody who still cares about you from your past despite you not talking to them, and you just don't know it. And there might be something you could do right now to benefit someone you don't know, maybe some random guy on the street, but if you're busy wallowing in misery you'll miss the opportunity.

There's always people around you, and there's always something you can do to help others. And it doesn't take a saint to do it. No one is really that perfectly good anyways... perfection doesn't exist. You just have to be strong, and build your inner strength, so you can carry others when the time comes.

And you have to forgive yourself for being stupid and imperfect. You have to forgive yourself, so you can pick yourself back up after making the same fucking mistake for the 10th time again, and try again. That's how you become strong.



... Well the above was what worked for me and my guilt anyways. Guilt is such a difficult thing to handle, I don't think there's a right answer on how to handle it. I wouldn't be surprised if you come to a different conclusion than me.






Xepera-maSet

  • Guest
Re: Resignation
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2020, 11:35:33 pm »
I guess if I'm hated for just doing what I need to do for me this place was never what I thought anyways. Goodbye!

Onyx

Re: Resignation
« Reply #10 on: January 24, 2020, 12:30:00 am »
You resigned both in public and private, which was entirely your choice - not ours.