Author Topic: Journey Journal  (Read 65 times)

__metztli

Journey Journal
« on: November 29, 2018, 03:27:13 am »
Hello,
This will both serve as an introduction and a first post with hopefully more updates along the way.

Let me begin with what brought me here, which comes from personal experiences (will not go in depth, but let me give a breath as to the how and why).

how:

1. No more than three years ago my life has undergone some deeply troubling issues, career wise, financial, legal, SO, many family/friends deaths from cancer....and with that, I experienced much betrayal, and humiliation from those I love.(lessons)

2. I can't run from my problems. But these experiences left me shaken very deeply where some part of me died that once had faith. The need to sacrifice and be a martyr got me no where. I lost my femininity and self love/respect. I let go of my first love, making art.


3. To cope with these issues I became more sexually anxious(I guess thats my bodies flight or fight mode), trying to find sound approaches to managing my sexual stress from years of rejection , failed relationships, and a denial of my own sexual femininity thru hormones (how can that happen? Juggling different hormonal contraceptives from 15 to 30 )

why:

2. Ritual happened by accident about a year ago, first as a self satisfactory fetish. A personal performance that lead to release of sexual frustration. Around this time I was starving, needing this daily fix to satiate my appetite, And survive...wear the mask needed for the outside world.

3. Then the interest in learning about LaVeyan Satanism tied in. Satan represented as chief liberator in feminist history... I wanted to hear that my needs as a human female weren't something to be afraid of and I dont need to be a man either. Reading the Satanic Bible, The Satanic Witch, The Satanic Rituals and several Peter H Gilmore books,
I needed more...These are fundamental idea building blocks to a more philosophical understanding of principals ***correct me if I am wrong
(dogma not applied)

I don't intend to shock anyone with my beliefs and wear a pendant everywhere to show my radical transformation to friends and family. Satan saved me with making me wet and salivating

 I could only hope there is something more... but I also love knowing its all chaos and meaninglessness.... and I can still learn.

thus far I am pleased with the abundant information this community provides and the forthcomingness to cross from the spectrum of philosophy to spirituality.




:D

intro out

« Last Edit: November 29, 2018, 04:22:11 am by __metztli »

Onyx

Re: Journey Journal
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2018, 02:19:57 pm »
Quote
No more than three years ago my life has undergone some deeply troubling issues, career wise, financial, legal, SO, many family/friends deaths from cancer...

I've experienced at least that much, and this reminds me of someone saying something to the effect of "hard times make Black Magicians".

Sex is a strong primal instinct that I think translates to other aspects of life. One core concept of LaVey's Satanism (as I perceive it) is that one must scrape against the pavement of natural reality in order to reach the "higher self".

The Order of the Serpent is basically a "smorgasbord" of Left-Hand Path thought you can partake in per your discretion, and we would like to learn from you also, feel free to start your own threads if you want.

Cabshear

Re: Journey Journal
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2018, 02:03:38 am »
Hello There,

Quote
I don't intend to shock anyone with my beliefs and wear a pendant everywhere to show my radical transformation to friends and family. Satan saved me with making me wet and salivating

 I could only hope there is something more... but I also love knowing its all chaos and meaninglessness.... and I can still learn.

It is noble to not want to shock, however it will happen. It's nothing to worry about, only unimaginative people will be shocked into ridiculous reactions. That being said, know when to "tuck the baphomet"  ;) Satanism isn't about trolling Christians, don't get stuck in "phase one" Satanism.

Satanism is not nihilism. Nihilism asserts that life is meaningless or devoid of any purpose. It is also frequently confused with its sister worldview, Fatalism. 

Side Note: Be sure that any personal nihilistic perspectives are not confused with telltale signs of Depression, this can be dangerous for any LHP practitioner. If you feel depressed, please take productive action.

What makes a Black Magician different from a nihilist is that is he/she aspires to be their own god than they assign purpose to their own lives, as their own god/goddess. Also, nihilism mixed with Satanism becomes a defeating effort, since you would just be wasting your time with Satanism (or any LHP practice). Also, again, nihilism asserts that nothing has any meaning, so why practice magic, or any willed practice? When it comes to magic: Never deny, what you verify. Nihilism would assert that verification itself would be ultimately meaningless. You seem to have read a lot of the Cannon of Satanic material, see Micheal Rose's essay on Satanism and Nihilism in Infernalia.

https://www.underworldamusements.com/product/infernalia-by-michael-rose

Also, to help with any Nihilism embrace the arts! Creativity is a functional action that disproves nihilism (which rejects the Satanic appreciation of aesthetics!)

https://www.underworldamusements.com/product/hymn-to-satan-giosue-carducci-r-merciless

https://www.underworldamusements.com/product/sorceries-and-scandals-of-satan

http://www.howlbooks.net

Consider that you look out upon the world from behind your eyes, you look out on the world of colorful lights and you (The only God that is) assigns purpose and meaning to things in your life. Observe as your eyelids close, it is like a curtain that closes over a beautiful, colorful world. Death shouldn't be aspired towards, it should be fought with every fiber of your being. Because, the world you have placed meaning on of your own will is now gone into the void.

Also keep in mind that you are not what you do, You are the Experiencer thus, you cannot be the Experience! You can experience hard times, hard times happen. However, you are not these hard times and thus you can distance yourself from those things and learn to control them better.

You can also try this: http://www.bridgestotruth.com/PF-01.html
Warmest Regards,

Fenrys F
-Vampire Initiate and Satanist