Author Topic: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house  (Read 170 times)

Xepera maSet

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How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« on: October 15, 2019, 04:20:34 am »
So my wife and I own a house and allowed my close friend to move in when he left his wife (hindsight is 20/20). Definitely wasn't expecting him to have a girlfriend since this was literally weeks ago, and definitely not that I'd hate her. She's way too comfortable here for someone we literally don't know, she's obnoxiously loud and a crazy burnt out raver girl, completely disrespectful of our hours and such, and facts aside, she literally makes my skin crawl.

I get that he's paying, but it's our house and we are literally charging him jack shit to live here comparatively. like $600 on $1,000+. Couldn't care less if I offend the girlfriend, maybe better if I did so she doesn't want to come around ;). But what in the world do I say to my buddy?

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Liu

Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2019, 06:21:29 am »
It doesn't seem too unusual to me. My flatmate often brings over his girlfriend, with her staying some days even, or colleagues from work, and they ain't exactly quiet either. Except for sometimes (rarely) wanting to use the kitchen at the same time it hasn't bothered me, and our other flatmate, who's our sublettor, also doesn't seem to have any issues.

But if she is basically also living there you could probably tell them that you'd like to charge extra for that, if you think that might be a good strategy.
Or in general, just bring up to him (or to her if you think that might be better) that you'd like her to be a bit more respectful of your needs and see whether something can be arranged, and see how things develop from there. At least being quiet during certain times of the day/night should be possible.

If that works, this could lead to a more harmonic relationship towards her, if it doesn't, you have a specific argument towards him and don't strike him out of the blue.

Dunno, just my ideas, I'm not really good with social stuff even though I'm often forced to do the diplomacy due to getting along with both sides of a conflict.

Mindmaster

Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2019, 08:23:52 pm »
So my wife and I own a house and allowed my close friend to move in when he left his wife (hindsight is 20/20). Definitely wasn't expecting him to have a girlfriend since this was literally weeks ago, and definitely not that I'd hate her. She's way too comfortable here for someone we literally don't know, she's obnoxiously loud and a crazy burnt out raver girl, completely disrespectful of our hours and such, and facts aside, she literally makes my skin crawl.

I get that he's paying, but it's our house and we are literally charging him jack shit to live here comparatively. like $600 on $1,000+. Couldn't care less if I offend the girlfriend, maybe better if I did so she doesn't want to come around ;). But what in the world do I say to my buddy?


She seems like she is just the type that has no filter but not necessarily the type that is a problem. Anyway, if the problem is she's loud at the wrong times have a direct talk to her about it and don't even involved with the buddy. If she gets pissed at you for being asked to settle down then at least you didn't piss off the buddy who is actually your friend, lol. Anyway, it at least gives you the chance to see whether she respects you or not and then you know what to do from there. Do that face to face, btw, and do it when something happens not like days later.

I'd just take her aside so I don't embarrass her in front of her man and go from there. That's why I don't recommend you speak to the buddy to have her dealt with. Then, it's between her and you and probably some respect will be gained since you respected her to some extent.

I certainly wouldn't antagonize the girl as the buddy will eventually see that as a personal affront to him at some point. Anyway, you need the problem solved and this will do it one way or another... If she decides not to cooperate then you can just ban her from your house at certain times and don't seem like a dick to the buddy.

Whenever I've let a friend crash at my place they knew my #1 rule -- if it's 1hr before my or my wife's sleepy time there is no company even if that company has a pair of tits. Just the late night door opening will keep me up. If she's going straight to his bed with him I don't give a fuck as long as the house is quiet when I'm crashing, and she's crashing then too, etc. No one goes in or out, not even the buddy, during the sleeping hours, etc...
« Last Edit: October 15, 2019, 08:32:35 pm by Mindmaster »

Hapu

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Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2019, 10:38:11 am »
Definitely wasn't expecting him to have a girlfriend since this was literally weeks ago, and definitely not that I'd hate her.

Did your friend actually ask you if his girlfriend could move in? Or did you simply find her there one day and she never left?

If the latter, then, in my opinion from 30,000 feet, your friend is using you.

I rented a room in someone's house on one occasion and stayed for a few months. I paid $400 a month for room and board. I didn't like it. I was there out of economic necessity and I got out the instant I could. But here's the thing: I would never, ever, ever have brought a girlfriend into the house to stay the night. Not even one night. It's discourteous. I wasn't a room mate. I was a boarder. The people who owned the house were not my room mates. They were my landlords. We didn't have anything like an equal right to be in that house. I was there by their sufferance, period.

In my opinion your goal should be to get both of these people out of your house post haste. If you haven't established a deadline for them to get out, then in my opinion you should set one immediately and it shouldn't be conditional on any aspect of their readiness to leave. Two able-bodied adults can find an apartment cheap enough to rent. Or maybe they have parents to go home to. It's your boarders' job to meet the deadline, once you set one, and if the day arrives and they're not ready, they should, in my opinion, be forcibly ejected by as many men or women with baseball bats as you can assemble.

None of that will be fun. And I apologize if I've grossly misread the situation.

« Last Edit: October 30, 2019, 09:41:28 pm by Hapu »
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Km Anu

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Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2019, 11:27:32 am »
So my wife and I own a house and allowed my close friend to move in when he left his wife (hindsight is 20/20). Definitely wasn't expecting him to have a girlfriend since this was literally weeks ago, and definitely not that I'd hate her. She's way too comfortable here for someone we literally don't know, she's obnoxiously loud and a crazy burnt out raver girl, completely disrespectful of our hours and such, and facts aside, she literally makes my skin crawl.

I get that he's paying, but it's our house and we are literally charging him jack shit to live here comparatively. like $600 on $1,000+. Couldn't care less if I offend the girlfriend, maybe better if I did so she doesn't want to come around ;). But what in the world do I say to my buddy?

Curse her.

Im not kidding. I just had a house guest for....5 months? That would use my ps4 and then tell me he didn't, so I caught him in the lie and next day I very visibly cursed him and left the poppet made of reed canary grass from around the dumpster hanging upside down by one of my dreadlocks in the hallway. We never talked about it (I think he was afraid to ask)  and the next time I caught him lying about my shit (like a week later) I cut the poppit's head off and left it on the floor in front of his room wrapped up in the hair like a mummy. The next day he avoided talking to me and in the evening he texted my girlfriend to say he was moving out in a week.

If not that, something else creative. We're in a very unique position as magicians of the left hand path with our ability to make people uneasy. Normal people scare easy, you can use it to your advantage. Oh also if anyone asks about it you can always act all weird about it, elusive. It lets you deflect blame.
« Last Edit: October 30, 2019, 11:29:53 am by Km Anu »

Kapalika

Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2019, 04:37:55 am »
Legally you can't tell him who he can and can't have over if he is a tenant, paying or not, but the rules on how that works varies by state IIRC.

However, if he tries to move her in, that you can fight and could easily win, at least legally. Practically might be a little harder.

If you had him sign a lease or sublease when he moved in, you could of included how long guests can stay overnight (so long in a period of time, as is legal to restrict as per your state) that might mitigate some of this.

Assuming it was just a verbal agreement, you could probably just tell him you don't want her overnight. Otherwise, her being there during the day, not so much you can do, unless she is invading your own room, or some "shared" room to make it unusable to everyone else (like the living room).

This is all "legally" of course, practically, you could probably ask anything of them that you wanted as long as the average person wouldn't find it unreasonable, including limiting how often his girlfriend is over.

At least you had him give some rent.

Also, her not respecting your hours and being loud at night, or whenever, you could probably have a case about her disrupting your own place.

Tell your buddy she has to settle down or she isn't allowed over anymore. I'm not sure how easily you could legally enforce this, but he might not want the conflict of defying your wishes and risking eviction.
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Xepera maSet

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Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2019, 01:26:52 pm »
He's getting his 30 day notice for the stanky boot

"Do not try to make the sun rise by self-sacrifice,  but wait in confidence for the dawn, and enjoy the pleasure of the night."
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MRT

Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2019, 04:31:48 pm »
Honnestly, if i was your buddy, i would be ashamed as fuck for this...

i mean, you give him a place to stay and he's aloud to bring his girl over.
The least he could do is try to keep her calm or so.

I wouldn't hesitate to talk about the situation if i was you.
You've helped him out, i mean, come on, i don't think some respect from his side is to much you can ask.

Xepera maSet

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Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2019, 07:37:07 pm »
Dude is not my fucking friend for better or worse, that's clear now.

"Do not try to make the sun rise by self-sacrifice,  but wait in confidence for the dawn, and enjoy the pleasure of the night."
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Xepera maSet

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Re: How to tell friend/roommate to keep his GF out of my house
« Reply #9 on: Today at 12:34:15 am »
Honestly it pisses me off most that he pisses my wife off. I'm the type where if you fuck with me I might let it go, but you fuck with my wife and I will drag you to hell and torture you personally

"Do not try to make the sun rise by self-sacrifice,  but wait in confidence for the dawn, and enjoy the pleasure of the night."
- Crowley